Counting and making change

It happens often. Because of my lack of dexterity, when I try to pay for anything with single dollar bills, it's the wrong amount. The bills stick or bunch together and there's nothing I can do about it without working fingers.

In busy lines, I sometimes have to hand over dollar bills when I'm not sure it's the right amount.

Some cashiers silently hand me the extra bill or two back. Others keep it. And, every now and then, I get a math lesson, which is what happened recently when I went to pick up takeout.

The cashier walked out from behind the cash register and, holding up the line of about eight people, held out my money - a five and what I could now see were six singles which she had spread out like cards with her fingers that aren't paralyzed. In a voice suitable to speaking to a child, she pointed at each bill, counting 1 through 6 and said "You have an extra bill here. You don't know how to count?"

In these moments, I always want to scream "I got an A in Calculus!" but what does that matter? My nephew with CP struggles with math - that shouldn't make him subject to this kind of treatment either. And I became stuck on that thought and did not say "My hands and fingers are paralyzed". I did fantasize about shoving a copy of Murderball at her.

The rest of the people on line watched. Some looked down and away. One customer looked at his watch. I understood. This was a waste of everyone's time - including mine. My fingers will be paralyzed tomorrow and the day after that. My dollar bills will sometimes stick together. Some people with disabilities will never learn how to count bills. Some cashiers will never make allowances for any of that.

I don't know any more if any of this will ever change. But finally the words came to me. "Everyone counts," I said to the cashier. "Just hand me my dollar and my food."