Choices

I was sitting in the square. At the table next to me were parents visiting their daughter, a college student. There was grade trouble or some other problem apparently, because the conversation became heated. Words like responsibility and maturity were flung around by the father. The mother sat silently, staring ahead. The daughter, perched on the bench next to her mother, looked for maternal support and found none.

"You will find," her father said, "that there are choices in life. There are some gray areas. But if you don't follow the rules in life, you will be crushed. "

I turned and saw the daughter stand up, pause and then leave.

The parents sat silently in the bright afternoon sunshine, alone.

When your child has a close call

This article is something you might want to read if you, a loved one, or friend has gone through the experience of a child having a brush with death, whether through illness or diagnosis. It could help you understand why, after the crisis has passed, the parent finds himself or herself still having palpitations and other symptoms as if everything is not okay. The reason? Could be post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

Several years ago, my nephew received testing for muscular dystrophy. There was a different diagnosis in the end which explained his symptoms, but the testing process was lengthy and laborious, covering many months. Then, when one series of tests was negative, it seemed as if the doctor always ordered more tests - on and on. Could be a rare form. Could be this. Could be that. Rare- but fatal - possibilities hung over my sister and brother in law as they weathered through this.

The tests came back and it was none of those. However, I saw the "near grief" reaction in them that's talked about in this article. The illusion that everything is okay, that our kids will grow up to adulthood, was stripped away long enough that there was an understandable emotional reaction. And it's doubly painful to feel this way when others are saying to you "But everything's okay!" as if, somehow, the time you need to catch up to that fact is not legitimate.

What do you do with those feelings? This article suggests talking to other parents who have been through the same thing.

Of course, I'm not saying everyone will go through this, but it certainly explained some of what I saw my family go through. It was helpful in that way, so I figured I'd share it with others. It's a good beginning to exploring what support parents might need where children have illnesses or disabilities where they experience repeated close calls. Getting parents the support they need is a topic I don't think gets enough attention.

New to the blogroll : The Special Parent

I found this blog over on Blog[with]tv and decided to share it with my readers. There's a wonderful post about Marlee Maitlin "Dancing with the Stars" discussing her approach on life - that she does what she wants to do, rather than saying she can't do things (like dancing) and what a great role model that is to all children. Go on over and check out this gem of a blog.

Talking to kids about a parent's illness

This past weekend, when my brother in law had a heart attack, I was greatly concerned about my nephews. One is 17 and the other, who is 11, has several disabilities which make coping more difficult. Although there are articles written about how to talk to children about a parent's illness, the important thing I found is to communicate in a way where children and teens are told the information as they can handle it at an age appropriate level while being reassured that their day to day needs will be taken care of. As this cartoon emphasizes, it's important to remember that children and teens may put very different meaning to the words you say. Taking the time to make sure that they haven't misunderstood what was said is important. Some children, depending on their ages, will blame themselves for their parents' illnesses. Others will be concerned about issues you might not even think about. My youngest nephew expressed the most concern to me that his father had to stay in the hospital, away from home for a number of nights, because "the hospital is scary". Because of the number of medical tests my nephew has had during his short life, his father's hospitalization triggered his anxieties. Explaining that his father would be taken well care of by the nurses and doctors seemed to help lower his anxiety level.

[visual description: In the first box of a cartoon, in front of a castle, a cartoon figure says "Raphunzel, sweet Raphunzel, let down your hair". In the second box, a giant rabbit hare is dropped and lands on the cartoon character.]

Childhood obesity and advertising

In the UK, a ban on ads for junk foods during programs where the majority of viewers are under 16 has been imposed to address childhood obesity. The ban seeks to address the issue, among others, of encouraging excessive consumption of food.

In the US, schools have instituted healthier choices in cafeterias. Some have removed vending machines that contain high sugar sodas and candies or chips and other junk foods, imposing junk food bans with legislation begun in California.  The statistics show that childhood obesity has more than doubled in our country for preschoolers and more than tripled for children aged 6 to 11.

The UK has similar bans in their schools, but limiting ads during children's programs is a step further than we've taken. It's reminiscent of the cigarette commercials that were removed from television.  The ban took place on January 2, 1971. Why? To allow the cigarette companies one last time to advertise on New Year's Day.

What do you think? Is it appropriate to police junk food ads for a young audience? Or not?  To see what's being done in the U.S., visit the FCC site for the Task Force for Media and Childhood Obesity. Back in June, food firms were urged to follow the socially responsible lead of Kellogg's company.

A Mom's Overture

To the tune of the William Tell Overture, a mother sings the things she says to her kids - every day...