Angry people

I deal with some of them in my work. 

On some days listening to them helps. Other days, it seems as if they try to take everyone within distance hostage. Some scream, some get passive aggressive, while others simply lump everyone in the world together, and nothing - absolutely nothing - you do satisfies them at any level.  They become sullen and uncooperative.

Most people  I deal with are not like that. Some folks are very grateful for any help. Many strive to understand the way things work. It's certainly helpful to work with people who do listen to what I say. 

This morning someone just screamed at me, not for anything I did but for what, I suppose, I represent. I'm used to that after twenty odd years of doing what I do. 

I'm always mindful of how it makes me feel to be treated in these ways when I deal with others in the system. It's not pleasant. It's usually not conducive to getting things done either.

Although , of course, if your objective is to feel superior to the person who is trying to help you, I guess it satisfies that need. 

Just something to think about on a Wednesday morning. But, then again, what do I know?

Advocacy, Anger and - Humility?

Without humility, there is no way of conquering anger.
– St. John Climacus

I learned years ago that anger, although it can be a useful emotion at times, fuels a great deal of negativity if I don't know how to let go of it. Because I do work that involves negotiating with people and dealing with conflict, I had to learn how to handle anger both in a work setting and also in my "off time".

Seeing injustices toward vulnerable people is a difficult way to spend one's time. I can't say that I get "used to it" when dealing with situations where someone is mistreating a person I am trying to advocate for. However there are times when the story I am told does not match the true facts and the other party is not in the wrong. The reality is that I constantly need to reassess my own position on things and not allow myself to be ruled by my feelings. This can be a tall order sometimes.

I developed a trick that works well whenever I feel angry and find it lingering. I go to God, pray for guidance to do what is best and to let go of anger that may block me from working out the best solution. The humility is both in admitting that I am in danger of losing my perspective at the times when my anger is my dominant reaction and that I am open to solutions other than those I may have considered.

I would never want to completely lose a sense of feeling anger when I see injustices. It's a valuable signal to any of us at times. It helps us protect ourselves - and others. But we all have experienced losing our temper and handling a situation badly. That reaction doesn't help any one - and can often cause more harm.

As an advocate I know there is an emotional cost to the work I do. It is one I am willing to pay - but not willing to inflict on others. So I also pray to let go of anger that may seep into my personal relationships in my "off" hours. Some days I fail at this and find myself apologizing to someone. But this has happened much less often since I turned to God for help. There is no switch in us to turn on and off the feelings that arise from doing advocacy work. Asking for help and support with this from God as well as a few trusted friends is both useful and wise.

Seeking rest....

Our hearts were made for You, O Lord, and they are restless until they rest in you.
– St. Augustine



Over the past four or five days, I've had minions of people telling me to rest - doctors, friends, aide, etc. (OK maybe minions is an exaggeration! But it's a great image, isn't it?)

My argument has always been that I'm paralyzed - how can I possibly overdo things? Apparently I can despite limited movement. The proof is in the fact that I get pain - and fatigue. These physical symptoms clearly warn me when I exceed the speed limit of being a quadriplegic. I know then that I need physical rest.

But how do I know when I need that other kind of "rest" - the spiritual kind? I know it happens when I am feeling irritable, short-tempered and out of sorts as a result of not setting enough time aside for prayer time, reading the Bible and being with God. When I do spiritual practices, I am able to achieve a state of being where I am "resting in God".

I remember years ago when I went on a Catholic retreat with a group of terminally ill people. Most of them had cancer and were preparing themselves for their final journey home to God. Yet meal times were joyous and our final party the last night of the retreat was full of laughter and smiles. I knew that these people were at peace because they looked forward to being one with God.

For those of us with disabilities, our challenge is to seek God's rest daily as we face each day. Although we do not face death, we do deal with physical problems and stressors that can distract us from our spiritual practices of prayer and being with God. We can allow anger, frustration and bitterness to separate us from God's love if we are not careful. We can let feelings of alienation and fear drive a wedge between us, others, and our Lord.

I am writing of these things because I have done all of them. I have squandered precious time in my life by giving into these negative feelings and states of being. I share this in hopes of sparing someone else that suffering, because it is truly suffering to be separated from God in that kind of negativity.

I am more vigilant now about turning toward prayer and God when these feelings pop up. My vulnerability as a human being with a disability is something I have learned to embrace instead of deny. This allows me to be honest with myself about my true spiritual state of being with God and ask for His help.