I can say emphatically that I have a cheaper solution. The dangling carrot to the left works great. In fact, this morning, I met the Easter Bunny.
I heard him chewing on the carrot on my porch and spied on him. Of course, he knew that since he's had years of experience with chocolate-obsessed people doing that.
"Hi, Wheelie Catholic," he said.
Now I was surprised he knew my bloggin' name. Hesitantly, I replied "Hello, Easter Bunny." Then I added "My real name is Ruth."
He said "And you're complaining? My real name is Edgar. Think about how I feel with Easter bunny cards, Easter bunny baskets, Easter bunny coloring books- do you ever see my name?"
"No," I admitted. "But I didn't mean that-"
"I don't get any benefits either. No vet care for me. See this?" he held up his left paw. A small splinter was stuck in it. "I'm like Little Red Riding Hood trying to get through the Poconos this morning. Can you get a needle and help me get this out?"
"No," I said. "I'm a quadriplegic. But there might be another way. So do you like being the Easter Bunny?"
"Mostly," he said, sighing. "Except the thing I hate is that people complain if they don't get licorice jelly beans or milk chocolate instead of dark chocolate or the wrong color peeps. In fact there's that blogger online, Meredith Gould, who is riling people up even more this year with her bunnies versus peeps poll! Just what I need - not. But I have your order down right." He turned to his basket. "Let's see - a caramel filled milk chocolate bunny and a tall mocha frappucino, right?"
I nodded eagerly as he hopped inside and put the bunny on my dresser. "Thanks, Easter Bunny. I mean, Edgar. Thanks for stopping at Starbucks for me."
"No biggie, Ruth. So what would you do if you had a splinter and no coverage for it?"
"I'd use duct tape."
"You got any handy?"
So that's what we did before the Easter Bunny went merrily - or not so merrily- on his way to your house. And yours. And yours.
Happy Easter everyone.