...so I walked with my friend S and her guide dog over to the store so she could get some. Cappucino. And an interesting thing happened. It's called teaching kids how to act around people with disabilities. Sometimes parents just drop the ball.
The store is in an outside mall and kids were playing ball on the wide sidewalks. This is, under the best circumstances, not a good idea, but that's what was happening. Their parents were standing there. We approached, my friend S, her guide dog and me in the Beast, my power chair.
We were coming around the mall, which is in a rectangle, so this took awhile.
By the time we were almost there, I realized I was going to have to say something so we could pass by so I said "Excuse me" in a loud voice. The kids looked. The parents looked. The kids looked at the parents. They started throwing the balls again, so I said "You need to stop throwing the balls until we pass by, thank you." And the kids stopped throwing the balls.
When we turned around to come back, the kids saw us and stopped tossing the balls. On their own.
I know parents are busy. I realize they're watching a number of kids and all kinds of other things are going on. But common courtesy, which is really what this boils down to, matters.
There was an eight year old bilateral above the knee amputee using a manual chair racing around the mall last night. We said hi. He told me none of the kids would play with him. I saw him go over to this group of kids a few times, sit on the sideline, watching. No one spoke to him. His mother stood by me, watching, crying. She spoke very little English and said to me "I don't know how to fix this for him."
I called him over and told him to pick up a ball and toss it back. To show them he could play. He zoomed over and did that and soon was playing. He gave me a thumbs up.
Kids are quick learners.
10 comments:
A thoughtful post. As school begins, my son with a disability will face moments when he has to decide how he'll be seen by his peers. I've taught him to take the initiative, as you taught this young boy. God bless.
Pat
Oh my heart just broke into a million pieces for that mother. and the boy too of course. but as a mommy that cuts deeply. Yaay for Ruth to the rescue!!!
and as far as the ball players& parents go- I cannot believe the rudeness of some people.
Anonymous: After being fortunate enough to be around folks in wheelchairs much longer than I was when I first acquired my disability, I too learned the value of taking the initiative. It can break through situations, as you know, and result in empowerment! Thanks for your comment.
Goldie: Thanks, but I'm so fortunate and blessed to have been taught by others how to mentor youngsters with disabilities. Luckily it worked out because there are no magic formulas, although I do believe developing certain traits helps, as with all kids.
Looks to me like you were the teacher for everyone in this situation - not only that, but the BEST teacher. Does that necessarily mean the parents were neglectful or rude? Not in my opinion.
The other boys responded quickly to both you and the boy using a wheelchair. Were they truly the children of rude parents who would teach them to avoid PWD, they would not have stopped ball playing the second time or included the boy who appropriately signaled he wanted to play with them.
I can be sympathetic to the crying mother, but you did exactly what really helped her, you role-modeled teaching her son to initiate with same age peers.
With a bit more maturity and the next time an adult approaches in a power chair, those boys may even greet the PWD, make eye contact, smile. I assume meeting you will ripple positively in their lives.
Parents who allow children to play on a public sidewalk and don't instruct them to move when a blind person and a person in a wheelchair is approaching are dropping the ball. They are also dropping the ball when anyone approaches since their kids are blocking the sidewalk. Shouldn't be everyone else's problem. I use a wheelchair, am raising children and I teach them to be considerate of everyone. The words not a good place to play come to mind.
Andy
Yea, yea, yea, all that parenting-stuff is true, Andy and Ruth. There's just so much about the situation that Ruth describes that is not known by us (the neighborhood culture, for instance.) What I hope to do with my comment is reinforce the importance of Ruth's behavior to changing the behavior for the larger group - one or a few people at a time. LOTS of uninformed, uneducated, poorly-sophisticated parents out there. The parents may have diagnoses that are not visible nor require equipment-assisted mobility.
So - bash the parents. How helpful is that? Ruth describes the situation without too much bashing, and I want her and you to know how important it is to continue to role-model and politely guide children and uninformed adults of your personhood.
Judge them rude, but for heaven's sake, don't even think another r-word that might be the root of their behavior.
If you want to be treated well despite using a wheelchair, keep in mind that disability extends into behaviors that are not mobility-oriented.
I don't see anything in my comment that's bashing. I said it was inconsiderate to everyone. I did disagree with your opinion, but that's okay. We can agree to disagree. I still disagree with all of what you just wrote.
Andy
I can NOT believe that commentor who is lecturing all of us in wheelchairs actually wrote these words
If you want to be treated well despite using a wheelchair, keep in mind that disability extends into behaviors that are not mobility-oriented.
Despite using a wheelchair?
Yikes.
I use a wheelchair EVERY DAY and have kids and love them but walking parents allow walking kids to run in front of my chair all the time and say nothing. Some of it is going to happen but I really was happy when I first saw this post that someone was speaking up.
I'm a teacher and a mom of a child who uses a wheelchair. I'm appalled at the behavior I see in public some days. Maybe people like you talking about it will help things get better. Thank you.
Beth
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