No, I'm not talking about the elections.
Yesterday someone engaged in behavior that I've seen a number of times since I've acquired quadriplegia. I've dubbed it "unfair commentary" , for lack of a better term. Basically, it's when a person comments about my "disability situation", using adjectives such as terrible, horrible, etc. I'm not talking about normal comments, which happen all the time. I'm referring to commentary that has a message along the lines of "How can you live like that?"
I don't often encounter unfair commentary along these lines and I'll spare you the actual exchange. I simply handled it. When he continued, I cut him off effectively, assertively with a few choice words.
Unfair commentary. Because it is rude and not acceptable to question the validity of my existence as a person with quadriplegia.
I feel compelled to blog about it, even though I know most people would never say these things to my face. But they may think them. I know this because some have said them to people in my circle - and so I know. This is not really a matter of being polite about it, by the way. It's a matter of being wrong. My existence as a person with a disability is just as valuable as anyone else's. My quality of life is affected more by my attitude than my circumstances - just as is true for any of God's children. And, although it is true and valid that some of my brothers and sisters with disabilities live in difficult situations, I face each day with the hope- and faith- that we can work together to make things better.
What we say and what we think about disability has a ripple effect. When people talk about disability in negative terms, there it goes skipping across the waters, sending out a wake effect. And the opposite happens when we see the person who has the disability and are able to see that he/she experiences the same joys as others and has the same dignity and worth.
7 comments:
Wow...I would never think to just walk up to someone and start a conversation like that, how rude!
I often think, however, about how people with physical disabilities like yours manage to complete tasks that I take for granted. I don't mean to be rude but rather that it really makes me think. I was also thinking about a post of yours a while back about how products targeted at people with disabilities are insanely expensive while a very similar product geared toward the elderly for example is a much more reasonable price.
Very deep stuff...
CG, I also find it interesting how people (people in general) find ways to adapt. When you have a disability and you do things in a different way , for example, it's a chance to be creative and resourceful. I did sit down comedy for a while and the funniest (and most liked) bit I did was about that subject!
Such people see any limitation, disability, loss of freedom, etc; in fact any form of suffering as the epitome of evil (paraphrase of JPII 'Gospel of Life'). Therefore in their mind, it seems, why should we put up with what is evil. This is the essential paradigm of the 'culture of death'.
What do they really know about life...
Truly, your joyful fruitful existence despite all the setbacks blows them away, and their own perception of the weakness of others often gets displayed in themselves.
hello, nice blog and informative, can we swap blog links?
I have added your blog to my list...
ultralightwheelchairs.org
yeepage37@yahoo.com
Lene: It does strike me as exceedingly unimaginative too.
Tausign: Sadly, most of them do lead lives that aren't too happy. Thanks for putting a spiritual perspective on this!
LW: Sure, I'll give you a link. Your blog has great information for someone learning about wheelchairs!
There's the whole line of thought that goes "I could not live without X." People with disabilities encounter a particular form of it, and one that doesn't notice that (a) they are in fact living and often both enjoying it and doing a good job of it and (b) the question certainly doesn't offer any alternatives or help.
Every once in a while, a student will become bold enough to ask a question about religious life that is on his/her mind. The two most common are, "How can you live without money?" and - most often - "How can you stand to live without sex." One has much more choice in a religious vocation than a disability (although God is implicated in both) but there's a bit of the same dynamic: it's impossible to imagine a life having value without something that the speaker values.
I'm wondering what your choice words are, and whether they would survive the translation to the question "How can you live without sex?"
Thanks for making me think!
Sr. Edith- Thanks for your comment.
I suppose the choice words I say to people are: not only do all lives have value , but lives of those who live differently than you include joys and positives you can't even imagine, simply because you haven't experienced them!
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