Received yet another fruitcake you didn't want? Upset with someone because of some remark he/she made at a holiday event? Welcome to holiday bloopers!
Recently I was talking to an acquaintance about Christmas. The conversation turned to her brother, who two years ago when he was out of work, showed up at Christmas without any gifts - but "took" gifts, as she put it. Apparently he was embarrassed to tell the family he was laid off and, in their opinion, mishandled the situation.
She's still complaining about the unfairness of that.
I was taken aback by the vehemence of her reaction to my mere mention of the holidays, but it's not the first time I've seen someone who feels this way. I've seen heated discussions online about gift-giving and receiving, extolling the virtues of same - or not - and one thing is clear: there's no agreement on any of it.
However, I think we're losing the point of the holidays if gift-giving and receiving is the gist of it. I find it sad that people would fight over something like that since material things really don't last while relationships can.
I can't help but think of how much easier the holidays might be if forgiveness was practiced for the holiday slights, bloopers and other "mistakes" we all make. Even though it may not be fair, sometimes the person who is "right" and holds onto the grudge creates more of a problem than the initial wrongdoer - who may be doing the best he or she can.
3 comments:
I got cancer three years ago. I'm a single mother with four kids. I was unable to exchange gifts for several years with family . Now I'm in remission but still face enormous bills to pay off and can't afford gifts still. What you wrote helped me realize that feeling judged about this is a waste of time after what I've been through. I hope more people learn to forgive too.
Molly
Wow looks like nobody agrees about gifts on that thread. In my family we buy inexpensive gifts so that it doesn't become a burden for anyone. That's worked well for us.
Molly - There's so much more to do than gifts to celebrate at holidays. An overemphasis on gift giving can really get in the way of enjoying the holidays because of the time etc spent. (Being Catholic, I enjoy many rituals and traditions that I can practice without money being an issue). I believe it's important to celebrate and find joy in the holidays. I know it's hard over a number of years to have financial problems at the holidays, particularly with children around, but being judged for that by others or even by yourself (which can start to happen when it's repeated often enough!) really interferes with celebrating. I wish the people around you were more supportive. More than that, I wish you happy holidays and am very glad you're in remission.
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