Practice gratitude? Bah humbug!

As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.
-John F. Kennedy

I was talking to a senior yesterday (let's call him Joe) who gave me a list of complaints about his situation. I believe there were 21 bullet points he wanted to raise with me about various things, including medical, financial, legal, and social issues about his disability. We discussed his situation in detail and I was able to refer a few of his issues directly to another agency for immediate resolution, but couldn't take care of all 21 problems right away.

Joe wasn't happy - and he let me know it!

"I thought you were going to help me," he said. "Instead you're putting me off like everyone else. If you spent one day in my shoes, you'd care. But no one cares."

It's difficult sometimes when you're facing so many problems to remain positive. I know that. I gently told Joe that I have a few issues to deal with myself about disability.

Joe stopped his blustering. There was silence. During that silence I listed the problems we were able to address and suggested that both of us take a moment to be grateful for that, take a deep breath and work toward resolving the rest.

"Okay," Joe said in a much calmer voice. "But it's hard to feel grateful right now."

Sometimes it really is hard to "feel" grateful. I've learned, mostly from watching other people, that the lesson in this is to act out of gratitude, to help others, rather than concentrating on attaining some "nirvana" feeling of gratitude. I suggested to Joe that he find one thing he can do for someone else , no matter what it was. At first he said there was nothing he could do for anyone, but he called me back a few hours later and told me he gave one of his volunteers a compliment.

"You were right," he said. "It made me feel better. I forgot about what I didn't have when I saw what I could do for someone else."

As Thanksgiving approaches, I'm very grateful to everyone in my life who enriches it in so many ways. But it's not just a Thanksgiving "feeling"- it's an all year gig. I didn't "feel" that way, however, until I practiced gratitude in my life. This connected me spiritually in a way I never realized existed. It changed what I do with my time and how I relate to others. I see people around me who do this too - and they are the ones who taught me!

Practicing gratitude not only makes one more aware of what it's realistic to expect from others and oneself - it provides rich spiritual rewards that help us get through tough times -without wanting to say Bah humbug!

So if you're feeling down this holiday season, try doing a favor for someone else. I guarantee you'll feel better- and so will they.