I've been asked many questions over the years about my disability. But I'm always surprised by how infrequently I'm asked this question even in religious settings: what is your spiritual experience of disability?
The answer to this , of course, is different for everyone with a disability. In my case, the experience of living with a disability has deepened my faith as a cradle Catholic. I pray more, feel the presence of God more and have been led on a journey that I never anticipated - one that's increased my awareness of myself as a member of a larger Body of Christ.
On the day of my accident I remember hurrying around. I was leaving for a vacation and it was the first one I'd taken in a long time. As I checked off everything I had to do on my list, I remember thinking that I didn't have time to take this vacation either. But all my plans were made so off I went.
When the accident happened, my first reaction was the same: "I don't have time for this." I had no idea that I was about to undergo a life changing transformation, one that made my "busyness" literally cease and desist. My identity, so closely tied to my occupation and business and what I did every day in that role, began to painfully change from that moment on. As the gravity of my injuries become apparent to me, I stopped taking things for granted that I always had. I realized for the first time that not only was I mortal, but I had been "temporarily able bodied".
Shock set in as I realized I was not going to get "better" physically and would have a disability. Denial kept dancing around me, as did anger, bargaining with God and all the typical Kubler-Ross reactions. I became stuck in anger after I was told that I would be a quadriplegic. This was very painful and a wall grew up between myself and any kind of spirituality during that time. I had no idea that living with a disability could be a positive, life-affirming experience. People were put into my life who helped me learn that lesson.
After several years I emerged ready to move into acceptance and began in earnest to have a dialogue with God for the first time since my accident. This spiritual connection grew over time and deepened enough that I sought ways to serve and give back to others, recognizing for the first time the many kindnesses I experienced as I healed. The love I received from others was very healing. As my identity as a member of community grew, I learned a great deal about inclusion.
My blog is an extension of these experiences as well as a part of that journey. My spiritual experience has run the gamut but whenever I receive Communion I am reminded that I am a member of the Body of Christ and the mystical experience of that Sacrament reaffirms God's love for all of us.
5 comments:
Thanks for sharing.
Janet
I can relate to many of your spiritual experiences. While I was recovering major complicated surgery five years ago, I began to have a deeper relationship with God. I realized that God loved me for who I was and I finally began to accept my disability.
David,
You make a great point here. I think realizing how much God loved me was pivotal in my ability to accept my disability too. Thanks...
"I pray more, feel the presence of God more..." That is so true. I must say that I feel the presence of God much more and I also feel gratitude a lot more. I feel this experience has enriched me so much spiritually as well as in general that it makes the life I would have had without Dear Son seem almost "vanilla" in comparison. I have been through so much-the tremendous lows and tremendous highs over the last few years but my faith has been the one thing that has never let me down and has always brought tremendous comfort.
What I worry about for my own Dear Son, is that without any language, what does he do when he is afraid? He is severely disabled however I am certain there must be times when he needs comforting.
I'm sure you comfort him in many ways and God does too. When I've been around people with disabilities who have no language, I feel a sense of communication but not with words. I can understand your concern and don't mean to minimize it. But I know God meets us where we are and language in that sense (or any other requirement) would never prevent your son from feeling God's comfort or presence. God knows our fears.
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