Yesterday I felt so cranky that not even my cat would come near me. It wasn't that I'd said a harsh word to him - he just sensed my bad mood and stayed out of my way.
I've been , for the most part, stuck inside for weeks now because my so called cold isn't moving out of my lungs. Because the temperatures here have been so low, I've been advised to stay inside.
Usually I ignore advice like this, but when I did sneak out I found myself breathing so thinly that I decided perhaps I should listen. Fine.
I can understand that being stuck inside would not feel good. Yet I'm disturbed by how cranky I felt. It's not like I called people up and took it out on them.
But I sure was feeling sorry for myself in a big way. That is, until my aide showed up. Unlike me, she had a really hectic week of running around. I took one look at her weary face and my self pity vanished.
I felt bad for her. I even tried to get her to leave earlier than she was going to. I put her coat on my lap and rolled over to her and she jokingly asked "Are you throwing me out?"
Well, yeah. I was. Until we both realized that she had to plug in my accessible phone which wasn't working properly. So ten minutes later, she did leave - maybe a few minutes earlier than she had planned.
At some point I realized that my crankiness was a spiritual nudge for me to "get" that giving into my feelings just because I didn't like what was going on was wrong. It's just not a state of mind I aspire to. It's not the best I can do. I, as an adult, can exercise better self control than that.
Others do. And God, with his sense of humor, plants them right in front of me sometimes.
In the meantime, I hope that it's warm enough that I can get out of here soon.
2 comments:
You're absolutely right--it's a lesson I need to learn as well.
Hope you can get a change of scene soon!
Thanks, Barb! I'm hoping that the word we dare not mention (snow) doesn't hit too hard here. But in any event, spring is coming!
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