I looked up from my lap, where I was struggling to get money out of my wallet with my paralyzed hands, and saw two women standing about ten feet away, watching me.
I realized they were talking about me.
Nice.
The first thought that entered my mind was to shout "I'm paralyzed!" quickly followed by "And it could happen to you too." But neither of those facts are really what's important. It is the negative attitude toward people with disabilities that needs to be addressed.
Let's start with talking about us in the third person.
We are not her, him or they. Nor are we he or she. It's rude to ask our able bodied companion "what does she want?"
We are, like everyone else, first persons and should be addressed, like everyone else, as "you". Third person language not only is objectifying to the recipient but it is dehumanizing. It also prevents direct dialogue.
Then there's the issue of talking about us instead of to us. For example, don't go to my friends, hairdresser or relatives and ask personal questions about me and my disability. You wouldn't want me to ask your husband personal information about you without your permission . Ask me. If I want to tell you, I will. If I don't, I won't. Some information about my disability I will readily share and other information is too private. But that choice is mine to make.
Last, but not least, we come to the issue of feeling free to make comments, such as the above ones, that imply that my state of being disabled is not OK. It's rude and primitive behavior that reflects ignorance and fails to acknowledge the dignity of the person with a disability.
It's like the story of the little boy who screamed in the dark and then a little girl panicked and screamed too. When asked why she was screaming, the little girl replied "I don't know. I screamed because he screamed."Joining in the rhetoric of "something is the matter with that person" or "that person is not OK" because he has a disability is much the same thing.
Let's review here. We, not they, prefer you to ask us any questions you may have but we may not think your questions are ones we want to answer. But the good news is that we are OK and nothing is the matter with us.
4 comments:
Wow. Sometimes people's cluelessness can be hard to believe!
Jennifer - thanks for stopping by! And, yeah, the key word is "some" people are clueless (probably not the ones reading this eh?) LOL
Good point, Ruth. The folks who need to read this would just dismiss it as you having a chip on your shoulder! But thanks for saying what needs to be said about this kind of behavior.
I like that you point out we might not want to answer certain questions . People sometimes corner me by asking inappropriate questions about my disability and when I don't want to answer them, their response is negative. This is unfortunate but necessary with some questions.
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