This bloggerwith a disability writes about how , after two years of going to a church, she is making progress.
""Then there was, the snubbing. Snubbing probably isn't the right word for what was happening, but I'm not sure what a better word is. People just wouldn't talk to me. It is one of those things that is hard to put your finger on. Like there are a thousand little ways that people disregard you. And if you looked at each one, you may not think it is a big deal, and some individuals may have even had a very legitimate excuse that has nothing to do with you, but when you put them all together over time...you can only conclude that a large number of people really don't have any interest in getting to know you. I asked people out for coffee and I got turned down every time. I would go up to people and talk and they would make a hasty exit. ....I used to go home from church after this stuff would happen again and again and just feel like crap. Part of it was just asking myself what I was doing wrong or that was so awful? If the Unitarian Universalist can't deal with me, who can?
...
There are some people there who are just weird around me and can't talk to me. But there are others who are very nice to me. And it is better than a 1:100 ratio, in fact. So, instead of sort of shying away from the not so nice ones, I'm going to try to seek out the nice ones. So I give myself little assignments to do to try to seek them out. I tell my self to go down to the social hall after service and I am going to stay for ten minutes no matter what even if no one says a word to me. Okay, did that. Next I am going to go and talk to two people. Getting blown off by two people doesn't count. I actually have to keep trying until I find two people that will have a nice little conversation with me. Okay. Mission Accomplished. Next, talking to the kids' nursery teachers and the RE director was fine but that doesn't count, they have to talk to me. Now you have to talk to two people that you don't know or have never talked to. Okay, did that. Good."
Her suggestions are good ones for anyone trying to break into a church congregation - I know that I've used a few of those myself. I'm not always successful either. It's a slow process and sometimes I leave church feeling like crap , as this writer says:
If the [insert church name] church can't deal with me, who can?
I have an advantage. I know I am welcome in my wheelchair tennis groups and in other circles. Although I know I sometimes make mistakes around able bodied people, I (thank God) do not hold myself 100 per cent accountable for making inclusion work.
It's a 50/50 street. An inclusion committee of one ain't gonna work.
3 comments:
"An inclusion committee of one aint gonna work" - I agree with you. I spent years trying to get "included" in a church only to leave eventually without making much of an inroad. My conclusion? People aren't ready and I got tired of doing all the work. I wish you luck. My wheelchair does not make me "weird" and I am tired of being treated as if it does.
It's too bad you left, anonymous. That's the problem. We need to just keep showing up and be persistent. After all, it takes time to get to know people and although "we" know we are being snubbed, we'll have that wherever we go. What's our option? To stay home? I don't think so - we tried that for too many years and look where it got us - nowhere! I say fill the aisles until people realize that there are more of us living lives with disabilities than they know- and knock off the nonsense. Church is not a country club.
Forgiveness, forgiveness. What else can we do? I tell you right now that if you pray for the guy or gal who snubs you, you're going to have more tolerance of them. So go to church and keep praying.
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