My story of the gifts of being a caregiver

Years before I became disabled, I was an aide to my friend Andy. She had polio and slept at night in an iron lung much like the one in this picture.

During the day, however, she used a power wheelchair and a portable respirator. I was her aide for a few years, a job I had while completing my education. Her parents hired me, asking me to please keep her safe. Because Andy was very adventurous. Despite her physical limitations, she went to Mardi Gras ( according to her friends she marched IN it) and had a ride on a motorcycle (which ended when she started to turn blue without her respirator) .

She was so light that I could easily lift her in and out of the iron lung, to her wheelchair, to the table I dressed her on. She grew to completely trust me. I knew how she liked things, from her night time snack to the way she liked her shoes done up. She was not fussy, but I paid attention because I wondered what it would be like to have to depend on someone for those things.

I never imagined that someday I would find out first hand.

I believe God puts people in our life who can teach us things. I know that Andy taught me many lessons that prepared me for dealing with my disability and others' disabilities.

She passed away shortly after I stopped helping her, succumbing to pneumonia in her early 20's.

I still miss her sense of humor and great perspective on life. I have met few people who were as honest with me or as loving. I don't think Andy ever said an unkind word to me, nor did she ever minimize other peoples' problems. When a friend lost a boyfriend, she went to Andy to cry on her small shoulder. When someone had money problems, Andy would go into her small tin of savings and pull out money and offer it, embarrassing the person into checking out the want ads immediately! If someone needed a place to stay, Andy would tell them the couch next to the iron lung was theirs - she got lonely being "locked up". It wasn't unusual to find a new (or old) friend sacked out on the couch when I went in to get her ready for bed at night on my way back from my other job as a musician.

In our circle of friends, Andy was always a part of things.

These are the gifts I received from being a caregiver - the lessons I learned:

Time is precious. Don't waste too much of it feeling sorry for yourself.
Never be embarrassed to ask for help you need. Never be embarrassed to give the help someone needs.
Be kind to each other because we all have vulnerabilities.
Never assume anything about anyone else - God has a sense of humor.
Keep things in perspective.
Remember that you have an innate dignity no matter what .
Friends don't leave friends alone in an iron lung - or in any bad situation. Be there for people even when it's hard.