Praying through the pain...

'Learn to do good; seek justice, rescue the oppressed, defend the orphan, plead for the widow' (Psalms 117:17).

I've been praying this week while meditating on instances of God's tenderness shown through people. It's been a good spiritual experience for me.

Sometimes, even though the people around me are supportive and loving, I feel very alone. Usually this happens when I am in some kind of pain. Clearly it happens when we're in emotional pain - but, for me, it happens also when I am in physical pain. When I overdo, it translates into spasms in my body. Spasms can be pretty painful.

When this happens, I start blaming myself - instead of turning to prayer and to God. I think to myself that I "mishandled things". I didn't ask for help when I should have. I overdid things. Blah blah blah.

But the reality is that I have a responsible day job with due dates. Although I try to set up assistance, when I get very busy, it falls short. Then I am in physical pain because, disability or not, it is up to me to get the work done.

So, having been through this time after time, I'm finally realizing that instead of blaming myself, I can pray. I can pray right through any pain I have.

Here's the deal: the physical or emotional pain may not go away, but it is relieved. I'm seeking a spiritual form of comfort and God's presence, not a cure.

I'll share a secret with you: God never denies that to me. I suspect God never denies that to anyone who is open,ready and willing for it.

Have you ever heard a beautiful, sweet song that touched your heart and wished it would never end? Have you ever seen a beautiful spot by the ocean or on a mountain- where you wished you could stay forever? Have you ever experienced that immediate sense of bliss?

This is what God's presence is like. It comes with a sense of peace, beauty and warmth. It fills in all those "alone" places, all of those empty spots. It relieves all of my fears and pains and helps me realize which ones are of my own making. It restores me. It leads me to want to do good acts for others without judging who they are. It makes me aware of how I sometimes harshly judge myself.

The Psalm above does not say "Learn to do good only for those who deserve it". It doesnt qualify or judge or eliminate anyone.

I hope that as I spend more time in prayer and in God's presence, I will be better able to follow God's will.