The REAL medical study....

The clinical features of spasms in patients with a cervical cord injury.

Dr A , Dr B

Department of Rehabilitation, --- Hospital, ---- Country.

A study concerning subjective symptoms of spasms which occur during 24 hours was carried out in 13 quadriplegic patients. All had spasms. Tonic and clonic spasms occurred involving their limbs and trunk. Extensor spasms occurred more often in the lower limbs than in the upper limbs. The duration of spasms was 8 seconds on average and the frequency was 15 times on average per day. The spasms which were severe tended to last longer in duration and were more frequent in occurrence. No spasms occurred without a trigger. The activities in daily living were interfered with by spasms in most patients. Most of these activities also triggered spasms.


MY FICTITIOUS MEDICAL STUDY ...

How Spasms Affect Quads

authors unable to sign names due to exhaustion (see below)

A study concerning spasms in 13 quads over the course of one day. We placed the 13 quads in one large room with TV monitors to capture each and every spasm. Everyone joined in. What sports. It probably helped that we gave them free pizza. Much jerking and smirking ensued as we noticed more spasming in the legs than the arms which was good since arm spasms can result in embarrassing miscommunications. Although spasms were generally under 8 seconds, the more severe ones lasted longer and were more frequent, occurring more than 15 times a day . This basically fulfilled the theory of Murphy's Law. All spasms were triggered by something or other. In fact, the activities of daily living - dressing, eating, etc - triggered spasms and spasms interfered with the activities of daily living resulting in a symbiotic mess, er mesh, that was something to behold. One subject spasmed as he tried to eat, then dropped his pizza as he spasmed, then spasmed as he tried to change his pants. We finally went in the hall to find a paraplegic to help him when everyone else began to spasm as they tried to assist him.

FINDINGS: Quads seem to have a lot of spasms. Putting them all together in a room was totally ridiculous and we'll never ever do it again. We're exhausted.