Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Get a boundary

I used to be shocked when I first became disabled by the rude and really intrusive questions and things some people said to me. After awhile, I realized that others with disabilities also dealt with this too.

It happens with strangers, but I've also experienced it with aides, which can be a problem since they are privy to private information anyway. They come into our homes and have access to information most nondisabled folks can choose to keep private This makes us vulnerable When aides misconstrue their job and don't treat a disabled person as an autonomous adult, boundary violations occur frequently.

There are a shortage of aides around here, but I draw the line when my boundaries repeatedly get crossed. I speak up and tell the aide her behavior is inappropriate. Some, unfortunately, escalate while others pull back on what they do, stung by my "lack of gratitude" for their unwarranted advice on what I should eat, how I should do things or how they would handle this or that. This is usually no big loss as I find that aides who are doing their job right dont have time to spew advice and opinions.

I'd rather do without the help than deal with a constant stream of inappropriate comments. Being physically dependent should not mean we have to listen to unsolicited advice or criticism about how we live, what we eat or wear, or any other aspect of our life from someone who is paid to physically assist us.