Surprises happen

I woke up to a nice surprise. Some seeds blew over from an adjoining yard, leaving flowers growing on a patch of grass outside my window. It reminded me that surprises happen.

I had a few discouraging things happen this month with a group of people with whom I've invested a considerable amount of time trying to form a mutually supportive alliance. The problem is that, as time has gone by, there's very little effort - to none- on their part and more expected from me. As a result, a few situations have arisen that are unacceptable and needed to be addressed, with the result that those who don't want to do their part - a necessary component to having a mutually supportive alliance, by the way - have planted their feet even more firmly and stubbornly. It's a reactionary response to change - and sometimes even bringing up disabilty issues. I can't - and won't -invest my time, energy and effort into a group where it's a one way street.

I used to think, when these things happened, that I was "handling it wrong" or it "needed more time". Those are always possibilities, but I've found that in certain groups, the people are just not ready to see disability issues or a person with a disability as an equal. They lack respect. They come to the table with what in equity is called "unclean hands" - meaning they aren't willing to deal fairly. No negotiation. Their way or the highway. In groups where there's been eventual success, these attitudes certainly don't predominate and usually aren't tolerated, much less encouraged, by the group.

The highway can be a better alternative when you're seeking to form a workable, manageable alliance that is turning out to be one sided. As a result of experience, I've learned to spot when I'm wasting my time. I've also learned that I can, so to speak, shake the sand of some villages off of the tail end of my power chair and move on to another. There's much work to be done and yes, there are people who want to form alliances, rather than perpetuating old and unworkable attitudes toward disability.

Those flowers in the yard may have grown from happenstance, seeds that flew by, but the soil where they landed was receptive to growth. What a nice surprise to remind me to move on.