My friend S called last night. She was denied entrance to a restaurant with her guide dog. She's handling it.I can't tell her story. She's going to be doing that and doing it well.
The interesting part of this historically is that I was with S years ago when we were both denied access to a restaurant. Reason one was her guide dog. Reason two was that there were "two of us", meaning she had a guide dog and I used a wheelchair. Only one disabled person at a time I think is what the guy meant. He kept going back and forth from one to the other of us, asking if she could leave the dog in the car.
She doesn't need it in here, right? he said to me.
Yeah she does, I said.
These inane discussions.
How disabled are you? Can't you walk/see/hear at all? Why can't you "learn" to do this/that? Can't *they* help you? (Who's they?) Why do you need that wheelchair in here, that guide dog, that accommodation? Why can't you get better? Why do you need that or this help/equipment/etc?
As if it's a moral failing that must be corrected.
Yesterday I pushed my chair. I bought an ice tea, not to drink, but so I could ice down my burning muscles. I couldn't keep food down because of the pain. I couldn't think with the pain. I pushed again. I had to get back.
I've never been more alone in my life. Everyone has a different view on this - my able bodied friends, my friends with disabilities, the professionals, etc. ..and me. I think I need to try to push and see what happens- how far, how much pain. I need to know for sure, one way or the other.
My mobility is at stake. If I can't push my manual chair , there are huge consequences - for me. But if I can't push without a lot of pain, then, no, it's not a moral failure. Right now God knows what the outcome will be and I don't.
I came home and got into my power chair. The pain stopped. Hours later I could eat. I went up to Starbucks, bought a Frappucino. A woman helped me open my straw. She said I hope you don't mind my fingers. I said I'm borrowing your fingers, actually, and smiled.
A guy on line said your fingers don't work at all?
And so it goes.
9 comments:
I can't believe the stuff people say sometimes even after all the years I've been in a wheelchair. I know what you mean about getting out and having mobility. No way I could manage changing all my equipment and my car if I had to.
Hello, Ruth. Man, I'm so sorry for the behavior of some people.
I so appreciate your openess in sharing these kinds of struggles. As someone who works with people with disabilities, I need to understand the stuff you share from your perspective. Some of the people I've worked with cannot tell me what it's like, and I need to have an idea, at least, what they are struggling with.
I'm certianly not trying to minimize physical pain, but I am quite convinced that for people with disabilities and chronic illnesses, their main source of pain is an ignorant society. You may correct me, of course, for I really shouldn't generalize.
But, agian, thank you for sharing your journey.
Bob- thanks for your comment. It's been a very enlightening experience, to say the least, going through the mobility issues.
Julie- I'd agree the main source of pain for pwd is an ignorant society. I'm glad some of the things I write are helpful - and thanks for commenting :)
I also learn so much from you--and I agree that the biggest disability is an unwelcoming society.
Grrr--I am sorry people can be so crass.
Thanks, Terri, appreciate that. :)
sorry you are in so much pain. I like your response I'm borrowing your fingers, I will have to use that!
Hope you feel better today, maybe push a little less until you recover.
Greg- thanks for your kind comment and practical suggestion ,which I'm going to take.
So sorry to hear about your pain (I realize this comment is a bit late but I haven't been visiting my usual round of blogs lately. Too much packing to move) and I pray you're feeling better.
Your story of you and S reminded me of the last time I visited my mother. It takes quite a bit of preparation and stress for my mother and grandmother to go anywhere because Oma is the one who has to put the chair on the car lift after Mom's gotten seated in the car and she has enough problems of her own on top of taking care of Mom. Add on to that me with the baby and his car seat and we about had a 3 ring circus.
Then we went to Red Lobster which turned out surprisingly well considering the look on the hostess' face when I informed her that we needed a handicap accessible table and a sling for the car seat. I could see the wheels turning in her head trying to figure out where to stash us. We ended up sitting next to an elderly couple who kept oo-ing and ah-ing over George.
Anyway, sorry for rambling but I wanted to stop by and say hi!
Hi CG - good luck with the move. I've seen that look on waitress' faces LOL
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