At a loss for words

I figured out yesterday what's been bugging me about my mobility issues. I haven't been able to understand the way I feel, which has been very disconcerting.

A friend drove over several state lines to take me out in her accessible car yesterday. We had a great time, although I discovered that a number of places are now closed that I used to go to several years ago (yes, it's been that long since I was there). But I ran into an acquaintance who hadn't seen me yet in the power chair and she asked me "Do you still drive?"

My friend, who I apparently told that I've been asked that question over and over again, piped up "Of course she does. She just can't get her power chair into her car."

People assume things when they see I'm in a power chair now. And what it boils down to is that some start scratching off what I'm able to do. I detest that. It's just not true. A lot of the issues are about logistics.

As I rolled off my friend's car ramp to come home, I looked at the distance between the curb and the inside of her car. A mere couple of feet, if that. And yet, I'm at a loss for words as to what it sometimes means not to have that distance bridged.

What bothers me the most, I learned yesterday, is when people mix up a failure to afford equipment with being less able. I start mixing it up too. I didn't grow up with a sense of entitlement to things, nor could we even afford the education I was lucky enough to get with scholarships. So I don't expect to be handed what I need - or want. I knew that wasn't what has been bothering me.

It's being seen as less able. That puts me at a loss for words when the reality is so much different than that. Disability is not equivalent to an inability to do things.

It just isn't.