When life doesn't resemble fiction...

In a Charlies' Angels move, actress Drew Barrymore chased down a hit and run driver who slammed into her car yesterday. (She wasn't injured in the accident.) Barrymore was able to provide police with the car's license plate number. I also remembered the movie Barrymore did about 50 First Dates yesterday, where an amnesia patient kept having to be reminded every day of who she was, where she was and all the other details of her life.

It was because I was reading a short story in a scifi magazine dealing with a plot line of a doctor being asked by a colleague to hire a young woman who was institutionalized due to the same kind of amnesia so she could live in the community. Although I haven't finished reading the story yet, I was struck by the doctor's response when asked: How will I watch out for her? How will I protect her from others who will exploit her?

People won't find out, the other doctor assured her. No one can tell by looking. After all, she's smart and she's good looking so it would be a shame for her to stay in the institution - and you wouldn't know about this condition...

This dialog, like many other fictional works I read, reflects our society's values and mores. Since no one can see her disability, she can manage to function is the assumption reflected here. Other assumptions: if she is pretty, if she is smart, in other words, if she has other superlative qualities, then she deserves to live in the community. The doctor even says that, for those reasons, it would be a shame for her to remain institutionalized.

I'd like to address these assumptions:

-I find the assumption that people with disabilities somehow need to have a superlative quality to live in the community as insulting and degrading to the concept of human dignity. After all, we don't ask able bodied people to pass a "pretty" test, do we? ::Looking around::: uh, no.

-It is sometimes true that there are some people who do exploit those with disabilities, but I tend to think that many of them are the same people who exploit their fellow human beings in general. There are many people who don't. And part of the problem with seeing only the vulnerability of those with disabilities is that it is used as an excuse to limit their freedom.

Far too often, I'm confronted by an attitude that says to me: You shouldn't be alone ever. When I traveled for wheelchair tennis, others staying in the hotel would ask if I was afraid. I asked them if they were afraid. Bad plumbing? Possibly. Someone breaking into the room to take advantage of me? Heck, my roomie and I had more hardware available to defend our honor than they did. We survived an earthquake in California, a few hurricanes and even a hotel fire, by the way.

Now I'm not talking about exercising reasonable caution. All of us need to be mindful, including those of us with disabilities, about safety issues. I happen to think that using my power chair at night on a dark road would be foolhardy and don't do it, for example. I also wouldn't walk around at night by myself if I was able bodied. But the overlap in choices I make based on whether I have a disability or not isn't as clear as some might think.

In other words, I don't wake up in the morning and ask myself "Okay what can't I do because I have quadriplegia?" It's not like that. My life isn't dramatic. It's downright boring some days just like everyone else's. I work, I watch TV, I eat, I hassle Meredith - well you get the idea. I do have attendant care. But I'm not the only one in society who depends on physical care done by others. Some able bodied people choose to hire personal assistants who do a myriad of tasks.

What truly bothers me with these assumptions is that they float around us and our lives, often unconscious. And, meanwhile, we lose opportunities for common ground.

Oh and Drew? That was a bit dangerous to do, although I admire your spirit.