Sunday, May 6, 2007

Royal Etiquette for the Queen - adapted for Quadriplegics

During her stay here, the Queen has visited many places in the United States. She's been to Jamestown, Washington DC and even the Kentucky Derby. There's been a whirlwind of activity around her trip - and websites devoted to the proper" behaviour" around royals.

Wheelie Catholic, however, has not seen any guidance on how to adapt these rules for a quadriplegic. So, although I most certainly am not holding myself out as the ultimate expert, may I present an adapted guide*:

1. There is no requirement for gloves to be worn. However, if a woman wishes to wear gloves, they need not be white but should not be taken off before the wearer is presented.
-This is easy. Quadriplegics already wear gloves so no wardrobe change is necessary.

2. The requirement of curtsying to the Queen.
-American quadriplegics are no longer required to curtsy to the Queen (whew)

3. • Whoever hosts the Queen is expected to walk beside the Royals and make introductions as required.
-It's okay you may roll beside the Royals and make introductions. Do watch their toes.

4. At least in Britain, when the Queen stops eating, you stop as well.
-Considering how slowly I am able to eat, I feel we need to adapt this rule. Simply ask the Queen to cut up the remainder of your food once she's done eating -that will speed up you finishing.

5. Do not shout out to the Queen. Do not mimic her accent.
-Oh please! We would not be so bold! And the only permissible shout out would be when she is standing near the accessible lift on the bus we take- make sure to warn her so she doesn't get conked on the head.

Also I would suggest:

6. Refrain from popping wheelies in the Queen's presence. This might cause her body guards to rush you.

7. Remember to find the Queen a place to sit. She's not as fortunate as you to have a chair with her. Poor able bodied thing.

8. On the matter of wearing a hat: I'd choose my Wheelchair Tennis USA cap personally . I can't imagine how I would push a wheelchair if I can't see around the fringe of one of those fru-fru big hats.


This is by no means a definitive guide. If you think of more etiquette rules, please feel free to add them in the comments.

*This post is meant entirely in humour. God bless the Queen.

6 comments:

Penny L. Richards said...

On one of the Ouch! podcasts, Mat Fraser described the logistics of his shaking hands with the queen in a reception line recently. It's worth a listen in conjunction with your adapted etiquette.

Ruth said...

Ooh definitely! Thanks for letting me know about it :)

Br. Michael Anthony said...

PAX!

Not that I will meet the Queen, but it is good to see that we have wheelie etiquette on hand if needed.

But seriously, I do know that the Queen is very considerate of her diner guest and eats very slowly to make sure her guest have time to finish their meals.

In Windsor Castle she actually has a system set up where the staff can see a red and green light. When she presses the button the light turns green and they come into the dinning room to clear away the dishes.

But a very humorous and well-done outline, I will watch the toes. God bless you.

Maranatha!
Hermitage Report

tvs said...

Note that the formality of the Queen's usual protocol does not permit her to take rides in one's lap, no matter how crowded the seating arrangements are otherwise.

Flying British flags from your safety flag pole is discouraged. (Catholic wheelers need not be concerned that their orange safety flag is a pro-Protestant statement.)

When the Queen is riding horseback, or in a ceremonial carriage, it is not appropriate to pull alongside and say, "Wanna dragrace, Lizzie"

Don't drink Guinness and drive your chair.

Ruth said...

Brother Michael Anthony - thanks for your comments about her dining habits. I'm relieved to know that she eats slowly! (one of "my" main concerns)

Tvs: excellent additions to the list....drag racing is out? no fun there!!!!

Random Englishman said...

when meeting her majesty one should not say "pleased to meet you." It is assumed that everyone who meets the Queen is pleased to see her