They say love hurts. Sometimes just going out and being among people who don't understand my disability hurts.
Last night I went out in a group of people. None of them know me very well and a few had not met me before. As I sat there, I suddenly saw one of the women gesturing wildly in my direction and became aware that something was going on behind me. Apparently someone had been trying to get my attention by tapping on my back. Since I lack sensation in parts of my body, I didn't feel it. So of course I failed to respond. And, according to someone whom I talked to later, the man "tapping" me became impatient and began to hit my back.
I began to have spasms which is how I register pain. So there I am spasming and suddenly without warning in pain. I looked around and the person had stopped. I suppose he became afraid when he saw my body spasm.
At times it can be a bit frightening to realize that there is no way to let everyone know what my physical limits are. Many not only assume I'm a paraplegic - but they also don't realize that lack of sensation is part of some peoples' spinal cord injury. However, ignorance of that fact never excuses the fact that someone fails to respect my personal boundaries. That is ableism.
This situation reminded me of the times when I've had my wheelchair kicked or people have tried to climb over me to get ahead of me in a crowd. People can get pretty physical when they feel I'm holding them up and when they act in these ways can injure someone in a wheelchair.
It is one thing not to understand a person's disability and quite another to disrespect his or her physical boundaries.
6 comments:
::Passing the ice pack::: I totally understand. Bruises, cuts, scrapes from people who are just impatient and don't realize I'm moving - and doing - the best I can. Just last week I was getting my wheelchair out of my car in a handicapped spot and a guy getting into his car on the other side told me to get out of his way. Without giving me a second more, he slammed his car door into my face just as I got in my wheelchair. Dentist appointment and of course he took off. Idiot. Glad you wrote this.
I saw this post come up and have to add something. I use a wheelchair and feel like I get pushed around in crowds a LOT. It's crowded where I live but really it's juvenile of people to treat us like that. we aregoing to get injured and then it's our problem so definitely speaking up about this is necessary. I think so many times I've been afraid to say anything because people who bully like this aren't people you want to try to reason with. And bystanders don't get involved they just watch it happening.
Another Wheelchair User
I don't like it when people grab the handles on my wheelchair and then start pushing me in some general direction. As for touching me like this guy did to you that's just wrong.
This is stupid and rude behavior. I'm a doctor and have witnessed this kind of physical "bullying" and heard about it from my patients. It's definitely what you call "able-ism" and those of us who can move about quicker should be "able" to show a little patience. No one should tap hit kick push shove etc. I've treated disabled people who suffer broken bones and serious injuries in the ER because someone bullied them. It makes me angry to even hear about it and I could tell story after story. I hope I never lose that anger. Keep yours and keep speaking up.
I hope you're feeling okay. It's amazing how people minimize the injuries that can happen from this kind of stupid behavior.
To my readers: A few w comments were lost when I moderated them - please send them again if you stop by and don't see your comment posted! And goldchair - I'm fine, just in some pain.
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