Inclusion versus tolerance

[Photo description: A brick church is shown, with a ramp on one side and a set of steps in the front.]

Sometimes as we struggle with our efforts toward inclusion, we may find ourselves getting "stuck" at a plateau- that is more aptly described as tolerance. It can be tempting to confuse the two concepts and settle for tolerance rather than inclusion.

Tolerance means that a person with a disability is allowed to be in a place. However, it doesn't reach the level of inclusion because there is either a lack of reciprocity in relationships or an ableist attitude toward the person with a disability by others. This failure to have a "two way street" or to change attitudes blocks inclusion.

For example, if a person with a disability shows up in a church setting, has access but no opportunity to be of service, that's tolerance. If others do not interact with him or her, that's not inclusion.

I've written before about my experience of inclusion at my parish. The key ingredient in that has been that there is a two way street. I am not the only one invested in inclusion - there are many others in my parish community, including my pastor, who support and work toward inclusion. On the other hand, I "show up", join various church groups and do service work.

This is not to say that everyone is always on the same wavelength. I've been living with a disability for over a decade and there are times when I've had to explain not only what my access needs are, but my inclusion ones as well. This isn't because of a lack of caring on anyone's part, but a lack of familiarity about what is going to work to achieve inclusion.

It would have been easy for me to give up because of this "gap" on a few occasions. I thought at times that there was no way I could bridge the gap, no matter what I said or did. And I've experienced intolerance and discrimination and exclusion enough to know that this happens. That made it harder. At times as I worked toward inclusion, I felt the same anger, fear and hurt come up that happens when I've experienced exclusion in other places.

But exclusion didn't happen in my parish. The difference is that people listened. They even began a dialogue with me if they didn't "get it" the first time. We did workarounds and do-overs because we had a mutual commitment to making inclusion work.

Do people at my parish know what my life is like with my disability? No, not totally, because I've lived it, not them. But they don't have to in order for inclusion to work, because once genuine communication is established and my cultural differences as a person with a disability are respected and acknowledged, an ongoing dialogue can ensue.

Sound like work? You bet. All of this goes way beyond mere tolerance. When I receive emails from people with disabilities who are unhappy in their parishes and congregations, usually the issue is that their presence is being tolerated but they are not being fully recognized as participating members of their community.

And that's just not inclusion.