God only knows

There are moments when I realize that my experience as a person with a disability, even if said out loud, would most likely be misconstrued and it's best just to keep my own counsel. There just aren't a lot of quads around to talk to who can relate.

In those moments I turn to God. I know He knows, without me having to explain, what is weighing on my mind. Often I find it's a tremendous relief to be able to let go of my human concerns about the particular problem or experience and have a dialogue that's spiritual in nature.

When I pray, I don't have to consider someone's human limitations. I'm talking to God.

When I pray, I don't have to worry that it's almost 2 a.m. God's available 24/7.

When I pray, I don't have to explain what I mean. God is omniscient.

It may sound humorous to say that I realize that "God only knows", but when I'm feeling the kind of deep hurt that comes from feeling rejected for who I am, there's nothing funny about my state of mind, My usual sense of humor fails me when people disrespect me because I'm a quadriplegic and have a disability.

Every time this happens, my identity as a person with a disability becomes stronger. Rather than wish for my disability to go away, I yearn for the social justice that would free us from the shoddy treatment we sometimes encounter that sends us negative messages about our place in society.

And I'm learning that my disability is not the problem. It is the failure of human beings to acknowledge the equal worth and dignity of each other that is the real issue. Why that is so difficult is beyond me.

God only knows.