I'll have a steak, but no pity on the side please....

Pity (definition ) Sympathy and sorrow aroused by the misfortune or suffering of another.


I don't know about you, but it does nothing for my appetite when I'm eating out and people at nearby tables give me looks of pity.

I realize I am in a wheelchair and I use a special eating utensil. But I live with those things every day, so when people cast me looks of "sympathy and sorrow" aroused by my supposed misfortune and assumed (on their part) suffering, it makes me gag.

Can we talk?

Perhaps these folks might stop and realize that just because they are seeing the person with a disability (PWD) for the first time - eating out or whatever - it does not mean that the disability just occurred. Chances are she has been like that for years - and doing fine by the way without their sympathy!

I'm being tough on those people who are casting me looks of pity, but I really wish they would go home, rent a Sunday night melodrama and save it for that. They need to get over it. They need to grow past limited reactions like pity which are indulgent for everyone.

It's indulgent on the part of the observer, who uses it to distance himself from the person with a disability, whether he knows it or not. Pity objectifies people. It makes them "others", as in objects of pity.

Those of us with disabilities know that self-pity is indulgent and useless. It is far better to cultivate resiliency, self-empowerment and acceptance.

So, please, don't indulge yourselves in front of us. Hold the pity.

Do pass the ketchup, however. And a smile would be great.