Adjusting to a Disability....

"There are many new feelings to confront in your early forays into public. What may seem overwhelming at first--potentially to the point of making you not want to go out--becomes familiar. You will learn how to let people have their beliefs and find you don't need to care how they see you. You can demonstrate through your attitude that they don't need to pity you--or make a hero of you."


- from Chapter 5 of Life on Wheels: For the Active Wheelchair User, by Gary Karp, copyright 1999, published by O'Reilly & Associates, Inc.

One of my friends who is a quadriplegic told me a story about how he became trapped on the Turnpike after he dropped his toll money onto the ground rather than into the basket. He didn't have any more change with him and he couldn't get out of his van to get the money he dropped. A policeman pulled up behind him when he didn't move his van and began to yell at him, not understanding the situation. My friend told me he is reluctant now to travel alone.

I can picture this scenario because things like this have happened to me over the years. Not only do my legs not work but my hands don't either. So when I struggle to do things like handle money, eat, put on a coat, use a phone or an ATM machine, people sometimes become impatient and angry with me. I drop things and have to make numerous attempts. Getting into my wallet is like a James Bond mission.

However, even though I am aware of these issues, my attitude is that I need to live my life and not limit it . Don't get me wrong - I certainly plan ahead as much as I can to avoid a problem. But because I go out alone, I know that issues will arise - and I still choose to go out alone.

Sometimes I look up after struggling for a while and someone will look at me with pity. I absolutely detest that. My immediate reaction is to smile at them. Some people smile back. Others quickly look away. But it doesn't matter. I am smiling for myself as well.

It is a good reminder to me that, being human, we all need to remember not to take ourselves or each other so seriously.

Believe me - and I say this as a Catholic - being a quadriplegic without a sense of humor - now that would be hell.