“It's not the load that breaks you down - its the way you carry it”
Lou Holtz
Over the past decade that I've been disabled, I've met many people with problems - big problems. Yet I've learned that it's not the size of the problem that determines how they come out of a situation for better or worse - it's really more about how they cope with it daily.
I love this quote from Lou Holtz. It's true that we meet people every day who complain about the equivalent of a hangnail - right after being with someone who has suffered tremendous pain and loss and lives a life of quiet dignity. What is the difference? Perhaps faith, mental toughness, resiliency - I really don't know. I'm not a psychologist. But I do know that people vary greatly in the ways they handle situations.
One commonality I've seen in people who do not fare well is this : they externalize blame and focus on it. They blame everyone from the milkman to their great aunt in Poughkeepsie for their problems - and then harp on it. This negative pattern not only traps them in an emotional dead end but it also keeps them from doing anything to solve their own problems! It's a sure fire recipe for disaster because it guarantees that problems will continue to pile up while the person acts as a spectator in his own life.
Meanwhile, the person who quietly chips away at problems, one at a time, may appear to others as if she is doing nothing to solve them. She isn't making grand speeches about her efforts or complaining about the long hours of effort. However, day by day, problems start to disappear. Even if they are replaced by other problems, this person is truly building the kind of endurance James speaks of when we face trials. However, other people may judge this person much the same as the first one if problems remain or cannot be solved right away, but this soul knows in her own heart the efforts she is making and is at peace.
It is not whether the problem can be solved or who caused the problem that's the issue - it's the fortitude that's being built in the meantime that is the true gift and yields the most rewarding outcome.
2 comments:
I love this post because the lesson is to roll up your sleeves, dig in and work at things. If you focus on the size of the problem, it's overwhelming. I remember when I had to save up for a piece of medical equipment that cost 10 grand. I put away every dollar I could and it took me three years but I got it. It was an amazing feeling.
I've learned that being resourceful and creative is the best way to get through life. My problems usually get fixed. The ones that don't I have to just live with and keep working at.
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