.I became a quadriplegic from injuries in a car accident.
I'm amazed at how every year it feels different. It's a lot easier to deal with now than it was at first. The shock is long gone, the grief, although it remains, is lessened. I've forgiven the person who caused the accident.
But it still hurts.
I'm reminded by close calls that happen or the sound of metal crunching upon metal or - the anniversary date. Yet one thing is clear to me - I'm no longer invested in asking "What if-?" I no longer say to myself "Who would I be if the accident didn't happen?"
The reality is that I'm who I am - the person who has lived 12 years and 364 days (no it hasn't been that bad- that's just semantic!) with my injury. I've changed because of many things.
For example, I use a wheelchair. So I decided to learn to play wheelchair tennis. I made a lot of friends who also use wheelchairs. I traveled to places and met people I never would have met because of this. I learned about teamwork and sportsmanship. I learned that there's always someone else who has it rougher .
I also need to have help from people. This has taught me alot of things about how much pride I had (not the good kind!), how to be more flexible, how to trust people and, mostly, how to be grateful.
I've had to scale down the work I do. This has been frustrating to me at times. However, it's also allowed me to pursue other things with the time I have.
Most of all, I think the biggest change is that I've learned there are no real social classes. People think there are. But they don't exist , at least on a spiritual plane. All of that goes away when your life passes before your eyes, you think you're going to die, then you're left with a serious disability. It's made me pray and think about who I am and who I want to be with the time I have on earth. It's also made me realize how mortal I am and how short a journey we have down here.
Most importantly I've learned that God is always with me. I am never alone. I'm not afraid of much - why should I be?
3 comments:
Thinking of you today. take care of yourself, be good to yourself.
I hate my anniversary date. Hang in there. At least it's over tomorrow.
Wow you and Dubus had your accidents on the same day. Different year but still.... Did you google that or something? I think it gets a lot easier but its still a hard day. Like you said we change so its not as if we sit around regretting our lives. But it really is a reminder.
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